Bleeding Hearts - Open Hearts
by Natalia Vronsky
Summary: It was bound to be awkward and painful enough for her as it was without letting everyone know she was jealous of Beth for managing to miraculous be the one to break down Daryl's walls. Written for Peta2, who wanted angsty, angry smut fic. Warning for jealous, (slightly) insecure Carol. Oh! And (light) spoiler warnings for The Grove.


Tears burned Carol's eyes, blurring her vision as she recklessly bounded through the forestry, away from their secluded camp. She hated everything she was feeling. Rick had once behaved towards her as though she was cold, emotionless. How she wished that were the case.

Even after losing Sophia, she hadn't felt so alone.

Swiping the back of her quaking hands across her eyes to stem the flow, she finally stopped. She wasn't sure how far she'd gone. She wasn't even sure she would be able to make her way back. Maybe if it was still daylight out. But then, maybe she just didn't care to find her way back.

Hadn't she tried so hard to build a wall around herself, to keep safe from the emotions that threatened to suffocate her? Build her wall and move on. Focus on living. Except the crushing waves of guilt and heartache would just not stop after everything that had happened with Mika and Lizzie. She couldn't put them behind that wall.

And then, finally, after a little over a week – a time which had felt like a dozen years or so – she had been reunited with her family. She thought she'd finally find some peace in seeing most of them alive and well. Her joy at finding them had been short lived.

To say the group had been unhappy to see them would be unfair. Sasha was joyous at seeing her brother alive and well. Maggie had been strangely cold, but Carol could only attribute that to the fact that Glenn was still out there somewhere. But after greetings had been exchanged, everyone went back into their own worlds.

Rick and Carl had been much more demonstrative with her; hugs and touches… Rick had held her, crying, apologizing, and begging forgiveness. Though she suspected that wouldn't have been the case if she hadn't shown up with Judith on her hip. Rick had been surprised when she told him Tyreese knew the truth. Nodding, he'd taken her face in his hands and kissed her forehead.

But the one person she had counted on to be pleased to see her had barely spared her a stilted nod and a glance.

He'd been with Beth after the attack on the prison and apparently they had bonded. She didn't begrudge him that. She was glad he hadn't been on his own. Despite his taciturn appearance and behavior, he needed to be with people. He didn't do well left to his own devices. And how could begrudge him getting close to others when she had been the one to push and prod him into being more welcoming to the Woodbury citizens and all of the other new people?

It was how close they appeared to be that stung her heart. Before she'd run off, Beth had been sitting beside Daryl, humming to herself, head resting on his shoulder. She had never seen him more at ease.

And he'd certainly never been that comfortable with her. She began to wonder if any closeness with him was all in her head. Maybe she had been forcing herself, her friendship and love upon him, unwanted. With her, he'd always been awkward and jumpy. She'd thought it was just shyness.

Oh sure, there had been moments that he'd opened up to her. But they'd been few and far between.

Sobs breaking free from her pursed lips; she doubled over, allowing a few wails to escape her. She hadn't been able to cry. Not really when she'd needed to be strong and brave for Judith, and for Tyreese who had seemed so stricken after what happened with the girls and her confession. And then she hadn't wanted what was once her family to see how much she hurt. Maybe she should have slunk away after delivering Judith safely into her father's arms.

But she couldn't help wanting to stay.

She needed them.

Maybe not for safety. She had no doubt in herself, in her ability to stay alive and safe on her own. Rick had been right, finding another group wouldn't be impossible. She'd heard snatches of conversation going on around her. There were other groups. Sure, the ones they had come across hadn't been savory, but surely for as many bad groups out there, there were good ones.

But she needed them because they were her family and she loved them. She'd lost so much already and she was desperate to cling to what little she had left.

She whirled around, knife pulled from its sheath with a practiced quickness at the feel of a hand feathering across her shoulders. Adrenaline and her crying jag had her body quaking and it took her a second to realize it was Daryl. He'd taken a step back, hands up in a pacifying, submissive way.

Eying her with a look she'd never seen directed at her, suspicion and just a hint of mistrust that had her hackles rising, he took another step back. "It's just me."

She kept her hand up, even has it trembled, the pointy end of the knife directed at him. Free hand wiping her tears, she fixed him with a glare. "What do you want?"

His head jerked back at her tone and he looked like she'd just sucker punched him. Good. He couldn't practically ignore her for hours and then be surprised when she snapped at him. She was done being the people pleasing Carol everyone expected. What good had that done for her?

"It's fuckin' stupid to go running off in the middle of the night," he hissed, looking around like they were likely to be swarmed down upon by hordes of walkers at any moment. Like they wouldn't hear them moaning for miles in the dead quiet of the night. "And you can stop pointing that at me like I'm gonna hurt you!"

She rolled her eyes and lowered her arm, but kept the knife out. Shaking her head again, she turned her back to him, looking up above the trees. The stars were twinkling, the moon full. "What do you want?"

"I… what's wrong with you? You ain't been yourself all night."

She snorted. She couldn't help it. She hadn't been herself? He'd hardly acknowledged her and had been cuddled up with someone he'd know for a year and had never really spoken to for hours and she wasn't herself? Feeling her ire building she narrowed her eyes at him. "Just go back to camp," she could hear the bite in her voice and struggled to swallow it down. It was bound to be awkward and painful enough for her as it was without letting everyone know she was jealous of Beth for managing to miraculous be the one to break down Daryl's walls.

She could hear Ed in the back of her head. One of his biggest complaints was that she looked so old. Could she really blame him for cheating with the young things that worked for him? At the time, she couldn't. Being with Ed, it had aged her.

But, she'd grown to wear the light wrinkles like a badge of honor; the premature graying of her hair like a crown, proud she had lived through what she had and survived it all. And since the world had ended, she no longer felt ashamed of her looks. She was actually pleased to see herself in a new light. Badass survivor, eyes like a cat, soft, full lips, a trim body and mostly smooth skin. She was proud of herself and felt beautiful.

But she was disappointed that Daryl, it seemed, was like Ed in preferring a pretty, young thing to her when she had spent so much time building him up. Trying to get him to see he was a man of honor. That he was as good as or better than the men in their group that he so looked up to.

"What the hell is goin' on with you?" He was behind her, grabbing a hold of her arm, trying to turn her to face him. Wrenching her arm from his, she whirled back to face him.

"With me? What's going on with you? This is the first time you've spoken to me since I got here!" She started walking away. Done with him. Done with the conversation. Done with everything.

"Carol!"

She faltered for a beat. He rarely said her name. She could probably count on one hand just how many times he had said it to her. It made her heart twist painfully at dreams she had of him whispering it into her ear, as their bodies moved together. "Oh, just go back to playing footsy with Beth!" She yelled, continuing to stomp through the woods, pleased that either stopped him from following her or that he had decided to take her advice and go back.

She was done. She wouldn't go back. She would make it on her own. Alone. Or with another group. It didn't matter. She couldn't go back and watch the man she had grown to love be with someone else. Not on top of all the heartache she'd gone through with those little girls. Not with the memory of her precious Sophia still a constant in the forefront of her mind… in her heart.

Her breath was knocked from her as she was grabbed from behind, and forced into facing him. His face was red, eyes burning in a way she hadn't seen since that awful night on Herschel's farm. "I don't know what the hell you think…"

"Don't! I'm not an idiot, Daryl." Squirming and struggling, she shoved at his chest, trying to free herself. "Let me go!"

"No! Not until you calm the fuck down!"

Banding one arm across her back, gripping her tight and pulling her flush against him, the other hand slid into her hair, fingers digging in and pulling lightly - just enough so she would be forced to look him square in the eyes. "I don't like what you're implyin'," voice a low growl, his breath fanning across her skin.

His face was so close to hers. She wracked her brain and tried to think of a time when he'd been so close to her. Maybe when he had carried her out of the tombs, but she'd been barely conscious at the time and it was a blur in her memory.

"Let me go, Asshole," she snapped, still pushing against his chest. She was tired and weak. She hadn't eaten for some hours. And that had been berries she and Tyreese had found. If she'd been at full strength, she might have been able to easily escape his grasp.

"I'm the asshole? You come back… hugging on Rick like…"

"Are you kidding me?" She gave one last exasperated shove against him before crossing her arms across her body, both of them startled when her fingers came into contact with his.

His gaze left hers, eyes flickering downward. She wished she could see what he was looking at, what he was thinking, when his tongue flicked out, wetting his lips. "Daryl, let me go," she whispered, enraptured by the visual and hating her body's reaction; the thudding of her heart, the clenching of her vagina.

"No," his eyes dark, pupils dilating, finally drew back up to hers. She saw his tongue flick out again and it took her a moment to register that he had licked at her lips. Jerking back, eyes wide, she stared at him.

"What are you doing?" His arm tightened and he widened his stance, hips pressing into her and she could feel… oh, lord.

His mouth was on hers again. The kiss was sloppy, open-mouthed, his tongue everywhere and trying to hard to literally get down her throat. She thought she might gag.

Not for the first time since she met him, she wondered how experienced in love, physical or otherwise, Daryl Dixon was. For as much as she had hated Ed, the man's kisses were drugging and at least for the first few years, were able to make her forget the multitude of his sins.

But Daryl was… a bad kisser.

There was an exuberance behind them that was endearing. But they definitely weren't making her forget what she perceived as his sins. She couldn't fathom why he was doing this with her… to her. Was he desperate for experience before taking Beth and had, for whatever reason, decided she was the best person to practice with? The best person to learn from? Wincing at the thought, she moved her head, his lips falling on her cheek.

It didn't deter him. He pressed his clumsy kisses along her cheek and down her neck. Shuddering as he hit a sweet spot just underneath her jaw, he made a noise and began suckling there, obviously realizing she liked it.

"Carol," he whispered, warm breath causing goose bumps to pop up on her wet skin. He had let go of her, in favor of pulling her clothes from her body.

She watched him as her bra was tossed somewhere behind him and he latched onto her nipple. Biting softly and lashing his tongue against the bud to soothe. She heard herself whimper. Okay, he was a god awful kisser, but she felt her panties drench at the loving attention he was giving to her breasts.

Errant tears spilled down her cheeks. She knew this would be a mistake, but she couldn't help herself. She loved him too much. And if this was all she was going to get…

As his hands no longer holding her captive and were otherwise occupied, she pushed him until his back hit a tree. She bent down, slowly flicking the straps of her boots open (boots he had given her – presented like a cat giving its owner a dead bird, so full of pride at a job well done), she gave him an arch look that had him scrambling to remove his clothes.

She flushed as she pulled the boots off, still crouched down in front of him. He was standing there naked, his erection pulsing, purple and dripping, just a foot or so from her. Staring at her, his right hand went down, grasping himself, thumb rubbing the head before he tightened his fist and stroked himself roughly. "Carol," he gasped obscenely, leaning hard against the tree.

Standing on unsteady legs, she shucked her pants and underwear, taking a step towards him. His face had a dozen different emotions flitting across it and she had to look away.

Taking a breath, she forced her brain to accept that it was only sex. He would never feel for her what she felt for him. Even if he thought he did. Maybe he was projecting his feelings for Beth onto her. Who knew? But she needed this before she left and never saw him again.

He made a move to grab her, but she slapped his hand away, pressing her body against his. The warmth of his skin against hers had her wanting to sob again. She pressed her face against his throat, hooking one leg against his hip, her foot sliding down his thigh, the wiry hair on his legs scratching, tickling. His hands were on her ass, caressing lightly before gripping her flesh and hoisting her up.

Bringing her other leg up, she locked them around his hips. The bark of the tree biting into her legs as he adjusted his hold on her. She reached between them, taking his penis and shoving it inside her without ceremony. She gasped, bracing herself on his shoulder with one hand and grabbing at the tree, nails digging into the bark and she jerkily lifted herself up.

His eyes were so beautiful. She had always loved them. They were wide and full of wonder. And she could see the moon and her own face reflected back at her. She wanted nothing more than to tell him how she loved him.

She dropped her head to his, shutting her eyes as he used his shaking arms to thrust back in her.

"Carol," his moan was barely audible as he tilted his head to capture her lips. Pressing barely-there-kisses to her lips that made a smacking noise like when Sophia would give her exaggerated kisses goodbye before school.

"Daryl," she whispered against his lips, applying some pressure as she smoothed her lips over his before sliding her tongue into his mouth. He tried to do the slobber kiss that he'd done earlier, but she pulled back enough to mumble "no", gently flicking her tongue with his. He was awkward, trying to mimic her motions all while continuing to manipulate her body up and down on his.

Well, they would need to work on his kissing.

She faltered at the stray thought, though he didn't seem to notice. There would be no time to work on his kissing technique. She lowered her head, choosing to kiss his neck, nipping lightly.

Kissing was too intimate, even if it was bad. Maybe that was why he was so terrible at it. He seemed to know what he was doing, trusting into her, lingering long enough to tease her clit and make her even wetter.

So, it couldn't be that he was virgin to sex. Maybe just sex with emotions attached. Maybe he'd never love her, but he cared. He had to just a little. Would he really have tolerated her after all this time if he didn't?

"Ain't gonna last," his voice quivered his drawl thick.

She let go of his shoulder, taking a finger to her clit, gently rolling it. He latched onto her breast with his mouth again and that was really all she needed. She felt herself start to constrict, surprised how quickly it was happening. She rubbed at her clit fiercely.

"Shit," he let the nipple go from between his teeth to look up at her. "You comin' already?"

"I… Daryl," her voice was cracked, broken as she felt a surge of heat sweep over her and her vision burned to nothing for a moment. Everything felt wonderful for a few heartbeats.

She heard noises that sounded vulgar, like from one of Ed's porn videos and as the haze cleared, she realized it was all her. Daryl had spun them and was thrusting her hard against the tree. Grunting her name just like she'd dreamed.

"I'mma come, Carol. Carol…" he tried to kiss her as he spurted into her, but she tilted her head, exposing her neck for him instead. He latched on, sucking and biting so hard she would have marks.

He was still quivering, thrusting weakly into her and she was still fluttering around him when she let him slip out and moved away from him. His eyes were shut, chest heaving and he reached out for her with a muttered "come back."

She began wandering the area, gathering up her clothes. His were mostly in a neat pile in the dirt beside him. She was buttoning up her pants when his hand touched her bare back. His lips pressed to her shoulder. She shrugged him off, putting her arms through the straps of her bra, before reaching behind to lock the hooks.

"Carol?"

Shutting her eyes, she took a deep breath. "This was just sex, Daryl. We both know that. You should get back to camp."

"The hell, lady?" she heard the rustle of clothing and hurried herself up, grabbing up her knife and sticking it in its sheath once she was completely dressed.

"Don't you dare act like this was just fuckin'," he hissed.

"Don't you dare act like it was something more! We've know each other for almost two years and suddenly you decide you want me?" Letting out a bitter laugh, she stared at him for a beat. "Just go back! Go back to Beth!"

"What does Beth have to do with any of this? Jesus, Carol, I don't know what's goin' on in that head of yours, but you've got the wrong idea," she opened her mouth to stop him from going on. She didn't want to hear anything he had to say. She just wanted to leave and begin her new life. But he slapped his hand over her mouth. "Don't. Ain't nothin' goin' on with Beth. She's a kid! She's like a sister to me. Yeah, we went through some shit when it was just me and her, but it ain't like that."

His hand dropped to his side and he shook his head. Walking to pick up his vest, he put it on quickly before picking up the crossbow and clutching it with both hands. "And if that's what you think of me..." He was patting his pockets and seemed relieved to pull out a cigarette. He flicked a lighter and took a deep drag. "If that's what you think of me, they why'd we just…"

"I just wanted something… anything. Even if it meant nothing to you, so that I could have one happy memory of being with you!" She sobbed, falling to her knees, face in her hands.

"Shit," he was on the ground beside her in a heartbeat, pulling her onto his lap. He held her tight as she cried. He was dirty and smelled disgusting, like sweat and smoke. And no matter where she went, she would carry that smell with her. He had his face against hers, nose nuzzling hers. "Let it out. I got you."

"I couldn't keep Sophia safe. And I tried to keep all the kids safe and now they're gone. All of them. And Mika… and oh God, Lizzie… I didn't see it. Everything's fallen apart and I have nothing anymore."

"That ain't true and you know it. You have the group. You have me," his clumsy fingers swiped at her tears. "What about Mika and Lizzie?"

She forgot. She and Tyreese had agreed the less the group knew about what happened, the better. So, their story had simply been that Carol had found Tyreese with Judith. Hiccupping, she shook her head. "They were with us, but… I can't. Please don't make me talk about it."

"I ain't gonna make you," he murmured. "But I'm here, Darlin'."

Shocked by the endearment she was speechless for a moment. He wouldn't be calling her that if he really knew what kind of person she was.

"You don't even know," she wanted to leave the circle of his arms, but was too worn to do anything. She felt like a ragdoll, limp in his grasp. "I killed Karen and David. I was so stupid. I thought I could stop it. Save everyone. I killed them and I don't blame anyone for hating me for it. And I don't know that I can live with what I've done."

"Rick told me."

"You knew?"

"We were gonna tell Tyreese. I was gonna gauge his reaction. See if I could bring you back or if I was just gonna leave with you. That's when all that shit went down."

"Please don't lie to me." The thought of him ready to leave the prison for her was laughable. He considered Rick a brother, admired Herschel and got on well with Glenn and Michonne. Not to mention all the others that lived there. He'd enjoyed the sudden fame that went hand in hand with being their main food provider – not to mention he'd been the one to allow a number of them to live within its safe confines of the prison.

"I'm not! Why can't you believe me? You're…" He tightened his hold on her. "Its bullshit what you said before. You didn't like me first. When you put an axe through old Ed?" He caressed her cheek, kissing her on the corner of her lips. A sweet, closed-mouth kiss. "I liked you first, Carol."


End file.
